After months of the virus quieting down in my area of western New York state, COVID 19 is raging full force again. The numbers of new cases daily have now surpassed those of the spring. During my visit to one local cemetery this week there were four burials in the space of an hour. Luckily the ground is not yet frozen and the weather allowed small family gatherings at the grave site.
At the end of the graveside services, the cemetery crew placed the lid on the concrete vault holding the casket. Boards covered the opening awaiting the fill soil.
The two burials pictured above happened to be for surviving spouses, so the headstone was already in place. However, for most of the burials, temporary signs are left to mark the spot for a more permanent memorial (names in the pictures are protected for privacy).
It may be difficult for many to visit the grave. It certainly was for my mother after my father died at 42. She said she needed to focus on moving forward and use all her emotional energy to cope. For others it may be a solace, a place to connect with memories, and little by little let go of someone so loved.
The monument provides a focus for that process. Caring for the area around the grave can be a mark of respect and a substitute for the caring that is no longer physically possible. I think that’s why I am drawn to the cemeteries that allow personal expressions of affection. They are symbols of the love and memories we might wish we could still provide. I can certainly appreciate that aspect and wish I had had such an opportunity as a child. I would have placed a model of a fish at my father’s grave—he loved tropical fish.!
